yayay!! for my birthday my parents r getting me a digital camera!!! its pretty!!! its the S410. its really tight!! wahoo... well gotta go study for my german class.

i need bartending skool to be over already!!! its too much stress for this mofo!! ahhh!! 8 hours today and who knows how long tomorrow?! :( oh well.... saturday i will be a certified bartender... yeeeaaaa

k i love you. bye bye

u were hit with this at 10:32 AM

.

so yesterday was my birthday... wow it was the best birthday i've had in a looooooong time!! wowowow!!

so rite at midnite one of my suitemates, amy, gave me a cupcake and roses!! :-D then i got calls from some kool kids.... mari, sylvanana, sharlene... yeaaa

so i woke up in the morning and opened my door... bam!! some of my other suitemates, turner, chelsea and christina, put allllll these balloons between my door and a sheet they pinned to the ceiling to keep them in... it was like a balloon sandwich!! hahahahaha... and i got the one thing that i truly wanted more than anything else... ever... pictures of ronald reagan. *tear* twas a moving moment. :-D

so i only went to my 9-10 class... muahahaa... then me and one of the girls that lives downstairs, joanna decided to start drinking.... muahahahahaha

it was really hot yesterday!! so we stopped drinking cuz the combo of the weather and the heat of drinking wasn't particularly pleasant... so i just chilled all day.... then last nite i went to t.a.'s a reaaallllyyy good mexican restaurant ... mmmmmmm..... then when i got back we hung out with some of the boys who live across the hall... harley, mike and rex... harley gave me some of his bombay sapphire gin cuz it was my birthday. so we took a couple shots then rex turned the lights off and in come mike with a BIRTHDAY CAKE!! they got me a cake!!! wowowowow!!! damn i felt so special.

and i also got calls/ texts/ shout outs on blogs and IMs throughout the day from a whole grip of awesome kids... man u guys rock my sox!!!

so yea... yesterday was sooooooo awesome!!! thanks to everyone... u guys r fuckin awesome!!!!!!

i love you!!! bye bye!

u were hit with this at 4:16 PM

.

i am now officially enrolled in .... BARTENDING SKOOL !!! wahoo !! i had my orientation today and i have my first real class last nite. and i have class all day today ! bartending is hard work !!

so i'm just holding it down like the slo mofo i am.... 6 more weeks here... wow... two years go by so goddamn quick. crazy shit huh ? just crazy to really be leaving. thats just the way it goes i guess. i'm kinda making this quarter my second "senior year". just having fun cuz i'm surrounded by a whole grip of cool ppl and dammit i wanna chill ! so yea thats wutsup rite now.

well i dont have anything else to say... i love you. bye bye.

u were hit with this at 9:25 AM

.

so i'm back in the blogging mix...

this past week has been the fuckin SHIT!!!!!!! i went down to la for salvador's 21st b-day party... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAL!!!!!! lets just say i was drunk for about 20 hours straight... if that aint tight... i dunno wut is...

oh yea the preceding wednesday i went out w/ some of my TIGHT suite mates (christina, turner and chelsea) to celebrate chelsea's 19th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELSEA! we went to an italian restaurant... was verrrry good... mmmm mmm. thanks to keith the best son in the world for letting me borrow his car... thanks keith!! ur the best!!

so i have just finished up fourth week... blah! well its over so thats awesome... got kinda drunk last nite... it sux cuz now my tolerance is SH*T!! and its fuckin wierd cuz i drink and i get sick but i dont get drunk!! weak!!!

hmmm in other news....
i haven't been really liking myself this past week... hmmm... wut ya gonna do? i really do need some strictly mofo time... but oh well... we'll see when that happens :-D

wut else has been going on?
i just feel blah... not that bad... just kinda a light rain... not a storm... and ppl confuse the HELL outta me!!! ahhhhhhhh!!! i wish ppl just said exactly wut they think... but then i realize i prolly DON'T wanna kno exactly wut ppl think.... hahah catch 22 *bastards*

argh.... so i thought blogging was gonna help my mood... hasn't particularly so ima bounce... bye bye!!

song of the day
baby dont cry
tupac

Baby Dont Cry

[2pac]
I feel you {uhh} .. (baby dont)
But you cant, you cant give up
{hey.. 2pac what? }

[2pac + h.e.a.t.]
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up {outlawz}
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {keep ya head up}

[2pac]
Now heres a story bout a woman with dreams
So picture perfect at thirteen, an ebony queen
Beneath the surface it was more than just a crooked smile
Nobody knew about her secret so it took a while
I could see a tear fall slow down her black cheek
Sheddin quiet tears in the back seat; so when she asked me,
What would you do if it was you?
Couldnt answer such a horrible pain to live through
I tried to trade places in the tragedy
I couldnt picture three crazed niggaz grabbin me
For just a moment I was trapped in the pain, lord come and take me
Four niggaz violated, they chased and they raped me
Even though it wasnt me, I could feel the grief
Thinkin with your brains blown that would make the pain go
No! you got to find a way to survive
Cause they win when your soul dies

[2pac + h.e.a.t.]
Baby please dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {never give up}
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up {never give up}
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry

[edi amin]
Uhh
Forget him girl (forget him girl) he aint gon never change
I aint no hater but that nigga lost in the game
After the bright lights and big thangs
He probably could love you, but he in love with the struggle
Everyday, his mind on gettin mo (gettin mo)
And never your feelings, hes chasin millions fo sho
Uh oh (uh oh), now you bout to have his baby? (dayamn)
Another wild-ass nigga thats gon drive you crazy
You got too much, mo, livin to do - Im spittin this to you,
Cause you deserve more than what he givin to you (thats right)
Beautiful, black, precious, and complicated
A new millennium dime piece, so fine she
Got em all stuck standin still when she come through
Baby take a little mo time, lovell find you
And show us the skys blue somebody other than me
Gon give you everything you need, feel me?
{dont cry-ahhhhh..}

[2pac + h.e.a.t.]
Baby dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {youll be alright}
Baby dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {youll be alright}
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {keep your head up}
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up {never give up}
Even when the road is hard, never give up {no no.. ohhhh}
Baby dont cry

[young noble]
Im tryin to do all that I can, from jump
Now you losin, you was choosin the wrong man
Dealt the wrong hand, you was young and beautiful
Lost and turned out, what you let that nigga do to you? (damn)
I knew her since elementary, she blew a kiss to me
Wrote me a note in crayon, wantin to get with me
We was kids, now she got three kids
They see their father eryday, and they dont know who he is
Seen him last night, homey roll a e-class
Mad cheese in the stash, still a deadbeat dad
I bring her, pampers and food, just to stop through
But those, aint my seeds, nuttin really I could do (nah)
I feel pity for you, you aint even his wife
Seventeen with three kids, locked down for life
Shoulda chose me, she bout to o.d. from the pressure
Hell nah I wont let her {baby dont cry}

[2pac + h.e.a.t.]
Baby dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {youll be alright}
Baby dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {baby dont cry}
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {baby baby baby}
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up {no..}
Even when the road is hard, never give up {no-ohhhh}
Baby dont cry, I gotta keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry, you got to keep your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up {ooooh baby}
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up {keep your head up}
{keep your head up, never give up}
Even when the road is hard, never give up, baby dont cry

[young noble]
Uhh, uhh, yeah, dont give up {youll be alright}
Dont cry, dont cry, dont cry

[2pac + h.e.a.t.]
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up
Baby dont cry, I hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up, baby dont cry



u were hit with this at 9:33 AM

.

i hate disappointing people, especially people that i care about. i hate screwing up. i dont show it but ppl affect me so goddamn much. but i did screw up and thats that. i'm angry at myself and no one else. i did something completely out of character and it definitely bit me in the ass.

"i was really mad at you..."
that wouldnt hurt if it wasn't true and justifiable. but it is. and i deserved it. and thats just the way it goes. i'm just trying to live and learn. i definitely screwed up, things blew up way out of proportion which is NOT what i intended. but oh well, it was my fault and thats that.

yea... i think ima be a hermit for a couple days, i just need some time to put things in perspective and deal with things that are actually important. i need some quiet mofo time. i think ima stay offline and turn my fone off. on that note i am also going on a short term blogging hiatus. i gotta calm down and come to a sense of closure and i need to do it alone. so basically, i love you. and i'll talk to u when i'm done being a hermit.

I NEED ANOTHER KAIROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'-(

u were hit with this at 10:11 AM

.

*stressed out whining... u have been warned*

so im really scared about not getting into loyola chicago. its just sort of become my only vision for my future and while i will definitely be "ok" w/ not going there i have developed a horrible case of tunnel vision and i kno that i'm gonna go through a major let down if i am rejected. i'm going to appeal it to all hell (lawyer in training) but i just hate feeling disappointed. who doesn't? anyways its only the third week of skool and this added stress is just not good for my heart. i'm actually on top of all my skool work but the real roller coaster that is the quarter system is just getting started. next week is fourth week. for those of you on quarter system, ya feel my pain. i have two midterms and two tests. i have no test free days next week. *bastards* and i'm actually caught up w/ my skool work which is so damn unusual that i'm stressed out cuz i figure i've forgotten to do something! damn. i just need some tranquilizers or something. on top of that even tho i am so scared about getting rejected, i am also realizing how sad ima be when i leave.

u were hit with this at 7:45 PM

a convo between me and the always hilarious gladys.

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: wuts ur cell number?

This is Gladys: 213 *** ****
This is Gladys: i'm pretty sure that's it...it's been a while since i've called myself

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: haha
uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: dont lie
uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: u called urself a lil while ago

This is Gladys: I GAVE IT UP FOR LENT!
This is Gladys: honest to bob

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: well its monday
uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: u can call urself

This is Gladys: good
This is Gladys: i miss the sound of my voice

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: im sure u do
uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: u stayed strong for a long time

This is Gladys: 47 days of no gladys lovin
This is Gladys: is 47 days too many
This is Gladys: i wonder how i'm doing?

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: im sorry
uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: but now its over
uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: u can see how u're doing

This is Gladys: ...no i'm not gonna call mysef
This is Gladys: why am I always the one to call???

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: well maybe u should wait for u to call u

This is Gladys: yeah it would serve me right

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: foreal

This is Gladys: and if i call and i don't pick up
This is Gladys: well i can just leave a damn message!!!

uHHoHH iTz sLoMo: yes u can

omgsoiamleavingsloattheendofthisyearandiamactuallyreallysa
dbecauseofallthefunpplthatiamaroundandihatetheinevitabilit
yoftimeandthefactthaticantslowitdownforevenoneinstantiha
tegoodbyesbecauseiknowewillneverseeeachotheragainandiha
tethatknowledgeevenifidoseethemitwillnotbethesameandther
eisnothingicandoaboutthisexceptkeepmovinglikeialwaysdoifin
allymanagedtofindmyheartandnowimabouttobreakitagainihat
ebeingsogoddamnemotionalandunabletojusthandlemyshitan
dihatethinkingandtalkingaboutitbutineedtogetitoutsothisisho
wimdoingitandhopefullyoneortwopeoplewilltakethetimetotryt
odecipherthisrandomnessbutifnoonedoesthatscooltoobutbasi
callyiambecomingmoredepressedbythedayaboutleavingwhichi
sincrediblyironicconsideringhowmuchihateditbeforebutyeaiam
nowverysadandiwishihadnottoldanyoneherethatiwastransfer
ringbecausethatmadeitirrevocabllyrealandconcreteandnowih
avenothingtodobutjustwaitfortimetocomeandsweepmeaway
besidesthatiamdoingprettywellandiamfeelingmuchlesssadsin
ceijustgotallofthisoutokaythatsallbyebyeiloveyou

u were hit with this at 12:01 AM

.

{Friday, April 09, 2004 . }

ya ever notice that sometimes u start to act like wut u think other people think of u?

this can be really cool or real sheisty.

but no denying, i love being around ppl that think i'm worthy being around, respectable and all that.

seriously puts me on a high that i cant describe. so yea... high five to all the kids who put me on this high.... all the fuckin awesome slo kids that i met this year... damn ima miss u guys next year.... :-( ... the fammy fam that puts up w/ my shet... and of course... IMMACERS!!! :-D

so basically i just feel good about myself and life and thanks to all these ppl for helping me to get to this point. u dont kno how much ya mean to me.

i love you!

u were hit with this at 1:51 PM

.

{Wednesday, April 07, 2004 . }

ok time to blog

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i have had so much on my mind these past couple of days and not enough time to process any of the thoughts that i am having.

first off... some guy who lives where i live killed himself this weekend.
he hanged himself in his room
i didnt kno him
he was my age
goddamn
just goddamn
*moment of silence*

in other news...

so in one of my classes we watched a video about the rwandan genocide. so one of the groups, the Hutus, were oppressed by the Tutsis for a couple hundred years. then the Hutus came to power and the military quickly made an opportunity to start the genocide.

now the Hutus were oppressed, treated pretty badly. but does that justify killing 800,000 Tutsis?

so i've been thinking about it and just relating it to my own life.

at what point does "getting even" turn the victim into the victimizer?

where is the line between defense and offense?

so if someone hits ya, do u have the rite to shoot him?

i realized that i am no where near smart enough to figure this one out anytime soon

so i wont try. just leave it for u to think about.

anyways i'll leave ya w/ a quote of the day from my lil raginazn amy

quotes of the day
"it just looks so stab-able"
-amy

u were hit with this at 4:55 PM

.

{Tuesday, April 06, 2004 . }

I HAVE SUCH A LONG BLOG THAT I NEED TO POST BUT I HAVE TO GO TO SKOOL!!! BYE BYE!! I LOVE YOU!

u were hit with this at 7:48 AM

.

{Thursday, April 01, 2004 . }

funny how BAD NEWS travels SO fast

u were hit with this at 10:01 PM

here i am in the skool library when i should be studying for spanish or german... but i'm not... as u can tell.

my mood has been off lately. dont kno y. *bastards* well instead of going into a one-sided rant about X, Y, and Z i'll just leave u w/ some song lyrics.

song of the day
"american dream"
pennywise

Things you can't deny you best believe it when everything you wanted is gone
Struck down although you don't like it nothing of value to be found
Violence breeds violence you know we'll never stop it for progress we will protect the game
We struck the fuse you can't refuse it the memory is all that will remain
The political scene coming apart at the seams
Its the end of the American Dream
The temperature is ready to burst
The future is not what it seems for the American Dream
Time has come you know we can't stop it
You know that the end is drawing near
Knocked down the sound of it collapsing
So loud no one can hear
Mindless old tyrants
do you hear the sirens song that will herald your demise
excessive sessions on your transgressions
we're all left sifting through the lies

i love you!

u were hit with this at 10:24 AM

.