goddamn

my heart is shattered, i am at a complete and total loss

goddamn

my heart is broken

u were hit with this at 12:34 PM

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happy holidays errybuddy! :-D

so i'm lovin the vacay and all that jazz... who's in town?? i wanna see u!!

had a good christmas... got some books and dvds.. pretty tight! :-D

ummm damn... i really wanted to blog but now i have nothing to say... :'-(

had some good convo's last nite w/ some SLO kids... :-D steve and amy!! wahooo!!

hung out w/ connie earlier this week!!! so good to catch up w/ ya!! my favoritest lil korean girl!!

hanging out w/ sylvananana, alex and sal of course... muahahaha... good times all around

we went bowling... sylvana and i kept screwin eachother up b/c sylvana is jealous of my INFINITELY SUPERIOR bowling skillz!!! i mean who else can get less than 60?? yea thats rite... me and laura won... b/c bowling is like golf... the lowest score wins!!!! muahahahahaha

well kids... life is pretty damn good rite now... i'm on the content side of the scale... so thats good... :-D well hope to see u all reaaaalllll sooon!!!! :-D ok bye bye

if this is the last time u hear from me.... I LOVE YOU!

u were hit with this at 12:43 PM

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yay!! so the party is tonite!! wahoo!!

ok so i dunno y but i've been feelin off.. just like theres a chain wrapped around me... it doesn't hurt... but i just am held down... *sigh* oh well...

hopefully the party tonite will clear it all up. a party for tracy's b-day AND an immac reunion... all in one!! wowowowow! majorly excited!! hopefully seein the krew will break the chain and let me go back to happiness... ::knock on wood::

family life is cool.... its wow to be at peace w/ them... cool huh? so yea... everything in my life is pretty much where i want it... got the friends, the family, and the grades.... y the hell can't i be content???? ahh well... guess that just how it goes...

so yea i can't wait to see everyone tonite... yay! this is gonna be one of the best nites of this break... just being w/ my ppl!!

i've already had a bit of a pre-party here at home... lil lemonade and vodka... enuff to warm me up... :-D haha... im such a goddamn alcoholic... muahahaha... oh well

well bloggin isn't really helpin my mood *sad face* so i'ma go... hope to see u all tonite !!!!!!!!!

if this is the last time u hear from me.... I LOVE YOU!!!

u were hit with this at 8:56 PM

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argh !

oh man so i just feel kinda down and out...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so i got my grades... and i did pretty well... not as well as i hoped... but i did do well so thats good

blah... blah 30oieruwoeijekjflskdfjlskdjfs yea thats wut i'm feelin rite now just kinda blah blah blah

one of the things i miss about slo is being able to just walk anywhere, not only are things way to far to walk here but after nite fall its not so safe... *sigh* but oh well home is good times anyways...

so yea ppl keep askin me how i like it up at SLO... whether or not i really like it and all that good stuff and whether i can see my self there for another 3 years....

i dont kno

ok so academically poly kicks ass... location poly is pretty damn tite too... but ever since i went there i've developed a pretty nasty distaste for the type of ppl that go to skool there... and thats no good... on the surface everything is fine... even a couple layers down its still good.... but once i really start to do some examining and all that... i grow dissatisfied... and i dont want to transfer cuz i'm just gettin used to slo and i dont wanna pick up and leave... but we'll see wut happens rite ? i guess the solution is to just not think.... too hard at least... i'm gettin a damn good edumakashun so thats all that really matters... and cal states are nice and cheap so thats good too! soooo i'll be at slo for a while...

alrite enuff of that

if this is the last time u hear from me i love you

u were hit with this at 2:04 PM

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morning kids

so yea i got like 3-4 hours of sleep last nite... good times... good times... y u ask? cuz i saw Lord of the Rings !!! sneak preview!! *happy face* it was really good and i recommend it to all u guys... if u liked the first 2, u'll like this one...

special thanks to SALVADOR !!!! for driving me home at 4:30 in the morning !!!! :-D

in other news... just waiting for my grades to come out.... ::knock on wood:: kRikEy! oh yea... and i joined friendster... goddammit.... feckin peer pressure !!!! lol ....

so yea i've been lacking energy as of late... not sure y but its not really good times.... its not like sad moping lack of energy... i just don't wanna do anything... oh well.... i guess its just me bein lazy as usual!!! ;-)

so yea ummm i want to accomplish something over break... i just dont kno wut that is... haha... oh well... i've been workin like no other here at home.... good times !! err yea.... but i'm gettin paid so i'm not complaining ... toooo much :-D

so theres a party at kristina's house this saturday... its for tracy's b-day.... its also a lil christmas immac reunion... soooo 2-0-0-2 seeeeennnyuuuuurrrsss i hope to see u there !!

so i'm tired as hell... so ima go take a nap.... nite nite ppl !! if this is the last time u hear from me I LOVE YOU!

u were hit with this at 11:17 AM

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i deleted yesterdays post cuz i dont kno wut really went down... just craziness... in other news... going to chill w/ the HOMIES tonite !!! :-D party at garcia's apt for francine ! hope to see all u immacers there!!

ok gonna go bye bye

if this is the last time u hear from me i love you


u were hit with this at 1:33 PM

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ok so here was the plan:

get a feckin job !

buuuut my momma wanted me to work for her at home ... so yea ... thats my job now...

omg my suitemates r so cute !!! hahaha... one of them's mom made us xmas stockings !! how CUTE is that!! and i e'en got presents from them !! haha... surriously... they're some tight kids!! ahahahaha.... they're only one year below me but i'm still like ... awww babies.... haha... supa kayoot !

umm yea... so the world political scene is going further and further into hell... i didn't think it would be possible for bush to get worse... but sadly... he does... every... single... FECKIN.... DAAY!!!! ARGH!!

so now bush has denied construction contracts in iraq for all the nations that were anti-war... now how, i ask, are we supposed to get widespread political support for this BULLSHIT war if u basically give over ONE HUNDRED countries the equivalent of the finger ? i dunno... i guess i'm just not intelligent enuff to figure that one out...

and bush further whored himself to china by threatening taiwan... a DEMOCRACY... that it should not try to change its relationship w/ china... a COMMUNIST DICTATORSHIP... this has even got bush criticism from hardcore CONSERVATIVES... THATS how bad it is... now see... i dont really care about china being a communist country... but for bush who's whole "goal" is to SPREAD DEMOCRACY... how exactly are u going to do that by THREATENING a DEMOCRACY?!?!?!?! seriously... half the time i figure im in one LONG ASS nitemare cuz STUPIDITY like bush's should not be PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE... how is he able to walk / talk at the same time ?! he doesn't seen to have the mental capabilities of a bacteria... *sigh*

alrite well i gotta get back to work kids... hit up the cell cuz i dont wanna be home... alrite bye bye

if this is the last time ya hear from me... I LOVE YOU!!!

u were hit with this at 1:02 PM

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at home for xmas... and i'm actually staying HOME for the first nite! first time for everything rite? ;-)

umm a lil off tonite... i want to go out already... bored cuz the munchkins aka my sibs have skool so can't chill w/ them oh well its all good

well ima go do.... something i dont e'en kno

if this is the last time u hear from me i love you!

u were hit with this at 9:42 PM

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ugh

so i'm done w/ finals but i still have one more paper to write

all of this has led to a lot of stress and easy irratibility on my part, thankfully i think i've managed to keep all of this craziness internalized but ya never kno...

had my psych and philosophy finals today... just glad they're over... still got more to write... but i can dooo eeeet!!! argh

had chicken and rice for dinner... mmmmmmmmmmm YUMMY!! thanks the heather and AMY!! for the yummy yummy dinner

i'm definitely in need of a break from slo... i love it here and all... but i need a break

it was interesting cuz i was talking to someone about how ppl change when they go to college.... i dont think its possible to change people into something that they didn't already have in them. if a person doesn't have certain characteristics or beliefs, they can't be implanted...

so i was wondering how much i've changed since i got here... i work a whole lot harder at school... so i developed some kinda worth ethic... a lot more focused and a bit calmer... quieter i guess and less trusting... but has my "core" changed since i came here? i don't kno... but i dont think so... i'm surrounded by a whole lot of characteristics that i do NOT share and beliefs that i do NOT believe... so i guess i haven't changed so much... thats kinda disappointing because college is supposed to be a time of maturation and growth... and while i do think i'm maturing and growing.... i don't really feel like this place fosters my sense of self... my "spirit" i guess u could say... that is definitely disappointing... but oh well... life goes on... i guess i just expected more outta college... i consider myself spiritually dead. this place has made me hate god... and i mean that. this place fills me with a deep, burning sense of disgust and indignation toward any higher being. but oh well... i guess i'm going to hell... might as well have fun on the way rite? thats my philosophy at least... out of respect for my hardcore christian friends i will not go any further on this one... ... ... ... ...

i'm just irritated.... can you see it in my eyes? can you hear it in my voice? can you feel it in my presence?

i hope not.... cuz thats the goal... to just stay calm on the surface... *phew* life is too short to spend my time sad... so thats y i write all this craziness down... to just get it off my chest... and go back to wutever semblance of happiness i am able to pretend... argh... argh argh argh

so theres a party at garcia's apartment this saturday for francine's birfday... hope all u immacers in the LA area drop by... nothing like seeing my IMMACERS class of 02! represent! hahaha... can't wait!! :-D nothing like going back to the fam after a quarter away from home... family as in birth family and friends who are as close as family.... can't wait... to just relax a lil... stop getting so wound up over things... this place is teaching me how to stay calm... i'm constantly being bombarded with all kinds of things i dont agree with and i have to handle it all at least relatively maturely... great heart , right conscience right? errr yeaa haha... maybe one of these days...

well... i have finished two of my three essays and so... sadly, i must do the third... the one on Lincoln... joy upon joy... :-/ alrite... thats all from me

if this is the last time you hear from me I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

u were hit with this at 9:13 PM

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yesterday was fuckin awesome

most awesome part of yesterday

so i had to go somewhere in downtown SLO, so i was walking back home on the train tracks. i was about a mile from where i live when a train came by. it was a freight train and it had ladders on the side of the cars. i was like, damn how tight would that be to jump on one of those!! but the train was going way too fast so i wasn't going to. THEN! the train STOPPED! just in the middle of the tracks!!! not at a station or anything!! i took it as a sign that i was supposed to jump on for a ride. hahahaha... so rite as it started to go again i jumped on. THAT WAS SO FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!!!! it was like the best roller coaster EVER!!! so i rode it for a mile til i was rite where i needed to be then i jumped off. damn near killed myself rite then. ahahahaha. well not really but i like being dramatic. ;-) so i jump off and go flying towards the ground. i actually managed to LAND and STAY on my feet! don't kno how... but i did. that was SO tight!! i got my hands, sweatshirt and pants dirty but oh well!! it was DEFINITELY worth it.

partyin like its 1999

so i got drunk as no other last nite w/ some ppl and it was good times, good times. oh yea, i met this chick that is like a duplicate of MELANIE!! that was soooooooo awesome!!! hahahahahaha. so yea, that was my cool day yesterday.

now off to study :'-(

if this is the last time u hear from me I LOVE YOU!!!!!

u were hit with this at 3:16 PM

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ok... so its friday... i'm done w/ classes but i still got a whole lot of shet left to do.... so yea... i'm in that nervous/panicky/nauseous stage. not fun, not fun. i tried breathing exercises... that shet didn't work... tried giving myself quiet time.... feckin shet didn't work either... so now ima try blogging and see if this works...

so i have 2 finals on monday... philosophy 231 from 7am-10am, then psychology 202 from 10am-11:30am. at that point i will be COMPLETELY done w/ finals... EXCEPT! i have a take home final which requires me to write three BITCH essays... by that i mean that these r gonna take forever and a half... :'-( so yea... if any one has any free time and wants to help me, i might just let ya! ;-) so yea, here are the questions (i'm putting them here so if i ever forget why i didn't switch into poli sci, this will remind me)

1. One way that scholars measure the degrees to which a country is “democratic” is to examine five different components of Democracy: Participation; Pluralism; Developmentalism; and Performance. Please define and/or explain what each of these terms means, and then review the attached country abstracts taken from the State Department’s website. For each of the three countries, Argentina, Japan, and Russia, use the five measures listed above and analyze each country’s level of democracy.

2. In the reader you were given three of Abraham Lincoln’s many speeches. Using examples from the speeches, and no other sources, write an essay wherein you determine and analyze Lincoln’s political ideology based on the various ideologies introduced to you in Chapters 5-7 of the Grisby book.

3. Using historical examples from the Grisby textbook, and from no other source, write an essay where you either agree or disagree with the following statement, “United States foreign policy since World War II has reflected a realist outlook that has determined our interactions with other nations.”

yes my friends, this mofo is going to be spending an exorbitantly large amount of time doing these essays, not to mention studying for TWO FINALS!! *sigh* so that kinda sux... but i will be done in just over 3 days!! *phew* man will that be a weight off my shoulders... yayayayay!!

oh my god-ness... i feel like im about to have a panic attack or something... this stress is gonna kill me!!! shet... that should be a sign that i should get to work.... but yea... just cuz im in college doesn't mean i'm anywhere near being intelligent... sheeeeeeeet!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ::takes deep breathe:: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *phew* feel slightly better.... well this shet aint easin the stress either so i guess ima actually gonna have to do some work... wish me luck!! ya kno i need it!!!!!!

u were hit with this at 11:06 AM

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foot in the mouth

maureen: dude, ur in fucking WHITE ville

chelsea: uhhh... i AM white

DOH!!! my bad!!!!

u were hit with this at 5:36 PM

done w/ classes for this quarter!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahoooo!!! so i have a take home final and 2 more on monday... then i am a free kid!!!!!!!!!! muahahaha

so tons of funny shet going on round here... good times... good times

damn, u kno when u got alllll this shet to write but u just can't get the focus to write it? yea... thats where i'm at right now. ya feel me? so i haven't done any xmas shopping, planning or anything, way to keep on top of things!! i dunno... xmas is so commercialized that i don't even kno wut to think anymore. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... yea thats wut i think.

so i miss all my ppl back home... but don't worry sLicK! i'm making plenty of MaD ConeKtionS for the cRew!! reppin like a TRUE MCK! :-D i'm holding it down for all my so-cal kids... TRUST!

i feel very middle-of-the-road rite now... i'm not really feeling any kind of emotion. kinda cool cuz at least i'm not feeling bad but i'm not feeling feeling spectacular either.... hmm... oh well... this is better than feeling bad so i'ma just go with it....

i'm having trouble keeping my focus during these last few days, i'm SO close to the end, and i have SO much left to do that i just need to get TO IT!! but oh well.... i'ma hold it down...

blah blah blah blah blah blah........

song of the day
"until the end of time
tupac feat. RL

Perhaps I was addicted to tha dark side
Somewhere inside my childhood i missed my heart die
And even though we both came from the same places
The money and the fame made us all change places
How could it be through the misery that came to pass
The hard times make a true friend afraid to ask, for currency
But you could run to me when you need me, I'll never leave
I just needed someone to believe in, as you can see
It's a small thang through and true
What could I do? Real homies help ya get through,
And coming new, he'd do tha same thang if he could
Cuz in the hood true homies make you feel good
And half the time we be acting up call tha cops
Bringing the cease to tha peace that was on my block
It never stop, when my mama ask me will I change
I tell her yeah, but it's clear I'll always be tha same
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

Please Lord forgive me for my life of sin
My hard stare seem to scare all my sister's kids
So you know I don't hang around tha house much
This all night money making got me outta touch, shit
Ain't flashed a smile in a long while
An unexpected birth worst of the ghetto childs
My attitude got me walking solo
Ride out alone in my low-low
Watching the whole world move in slow-mo
For quiet times disappear listen to the ocean
Smoking Ports think my thoughts
Then it's back to coasting
Who can I trust in this cold world
My phony homey had a baby by my own girl
But I ain't trippin I'm a player I ain't sweating him
I sex his sister, had her mo' good like a Mexican
His next of kin, No remorse it was meant to happen
Besides rapping the only thing I did good was scrapping
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

Now who's to say if I was right or wrong?
To live my life as an outlaw all along
Remain strong in this planet full of playa haters
They conversate but Death Row full of demonstrators
And in tha end drinking henessy made all my enemies envy me
So cold when I flow eliminating easily
Fall to their knees, they plead for their right to breath
While beggin me to keep the peace (haha)
Well I can see close into achieve
In times of danger don't freeze time to be a g
Follow my lead I supply everything you need
An ounce of game and the trainin to make a g
Remember me, as an outcast outlaw
Another album out that's what I'm about, more
Gettin raw till the day I see my casket
Buried as a g while tha whole world remembers me
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

yea... so i'm really feeling this song rite now... yea.... yea... yeaaaaa

well thats all for now... if this is the last time u hear from me I LOVE YOU!

u were hit with this at 11:01 AM

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{Monday, December 01, 2003 . }

i have a paper due tomorrow... therefore i am procrastinating.. muahahaha i guess some things never change :-D

went home for thanksgiving... was really good for the most part... did miss mi escuela ! =-O how tight is that?! very... yayayay! :-D

hung out w/ all the usual suspects... sylvana, salvador and alex.. peeeeeeejon! and keith too! my mom calls me and sylvana the "dynamic duo" hmmm.. ahahahaha... pretty tight i guess.

it was nice to see mi familia... my parents... as interesting as always... my brothers, and of course! the koolest kid in the house... the munchkin... :-D

had some good conversations w/ sylvana bin laden... good times.... good times... muahahaha... getting drunk... getting sick b/c i'm drunk... haha... wouldn't be complete w/o that i guess....

i saw tupac resurrection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy face* so i dragged my lil sis to the movie theater and they wouldn't sell me 2 tickets to an R rated movie!! WTF is THAT shit all about?! so we just had lunch instead... then i dragged gladys to the theater to see it... but i DID get to see it... YES!!! so that made my weekend

got a whole grip of things on my mind... confusing like no other

hung out w/ traci and jennifer last nite!! good times, good times...

getting ready to go home next monday! yea... i'm DONE for the quarter this coming monday!! dayamn.... i get almost a whole month of vacation... which is pretty damn tight.... so i hope to see all u mofos sometime during that month...

alrite... i dont feel like getting all deep... i have too much work to do... so yea... thats all

if this is the last time u hear from me.... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

u were hit with this at 7:17 PM

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