"A friend will break your heart, a friend will mend it, a friend will provide you with every feeling in the world, good and bad. A friend is emotion incarnate."

good quote... me gusta mucho

im praying for some ppl right now... i hope God will watch over u thru your time of struggle and sadness.... wutever happens is happening for a reason tho its hard to see it... even tho it hurts... eventually it will be made right... i kno it will be... i have love for all of u... and i wish i could give my love for each of u to eachother... but as i can't... i will just continue to pray for all of u and hope that everything turns for the better soon...

u were hit with this at 12:57 PM

.

argh... its been a long day

hmmm.... u kno wut i want right now? like reaaaaaaaaallly want? someone to talk to... sounds so simple... so silly.... but thats really wut i would choose more than anything in the world right now... a good long conversation that lasted for hours... mmmm.... but being as i dont see that happening tonite... i guess i'll settle for a blog entry... :-/

i've kinda been isolated this past week.... the accident took a big toll on my confidence as a driver.... wut if someone else had been with me? wut if i had hit another car? wut if, wut if, wut if? even tho the accident wasn't my fault... its still scary... i got off extremely light... some bruises... sore back... sore shoulder... and a headache... pretty good considering the "wut ifs" right?

i've done some driving since... some errands... went to some MiDgeT's birthday thing... very scary driving... not that the drive in itself was scary... how many times have i been down there? but just driving itself was freaky... but going was DEFINITELY worth it... between watching a "scary" movie in tagolog and the food.... it was good times!! oh yea... there were ppl there too huh? ;-) so yes... happy birthday MICHELLE... it was good to see u... and of course everyone else that was there!!!! like marlene said... there has been some drifting... but not unexpectedly right? even if its not "the good ol days" it was definitely a good day.... theres this vibe that i never get from anyone but my immacers... :-D but yea...

so i've gotten my grades... did decently well... not as well as i hoped... but i had one hell of a quarter and i learned quite a bit... so i did do a lot of learning... even if it was in a pretty hard way... i got thru it... came out the other side.... little sadder... lil wiser... thats how life goes right?

ok... so back to my need to conversate... i do have people that i could call... hell... that i might call... but i dont kno.... i just miss having long talks that last for hours... so comfortable and relaxed... mmmm... those were the days... i just want another one of those... another long, long, looong talk.... can ya tell im lonely?

i have been alone quite a bit lately... but i haven't been that lonely til today i think... i like to be alone... i need my space... i dont like having ppl around me all the time... it gets claustrophobic... but at the same time i dont want to be by myself all the time... cuz that gets me all lonesome... oh well... this will pass... and i'll start bitching about how i need some more friggin space... haha... thats life for ya....

i have a billion thoughts going thru my head right now... faces... pictures... events... dreams... etc. etc. etc... but i dont feel like im really connected to anything...

maybe im just PMSing... ::bastards::... i dont get cramps but i get paid back with mood swings worse than rollercoasters... yet ANOTHER part of life...

i have come to the conclusion that life is a b*tch... so umm yea... thats my conclusion... end of discussion... no questions allowed...

i'm really feeling the song by evanescence "bring me to life" it definitely gets played out on the radio... but for some reason i dont grow tired of it... the more i hear it... the more i like it.... so i got that at least right? music... the one thing in life that never lets me down... no matter wut mood i'm in theres always a song or two that i can vibe with...

well... i have so much random stuff that i want to write... but i'll just keep it in my head instead.... haha... well... thats all from this mofo for now... until later... remember.... I LOVE YOU!!!!

u were hit with this at 11:06 PM

.

i nearly died today

my brakes went out on the freeway and i slammed into the concrete barrier that stood between my car and a 30 foot drop to the ground below

the concrete held.... my car didn't

the front part of my car is no longer recognizable

i spent 10 minutes picking up parts of the bumper before the first tow truck arrived...

kinda surreal

thank u SO much to
1) GOD FOR LETTING ME LIVE ANOTHER DAY

2) my DAD who came to sort everything out

3) the TWO firetrucks, ambulance, TWO tow trucks and the police car that came to help

4) MARI and NAOMI for coming and picking me up and taking me home

final shout... i want everyone... and i mean EVERYONE to kno that i love you ALL so much it hurts... as i sat in my car moments after impact... i looked down and could see 30 feet down to the ground.... the only thoughts in my head were all of you and how much i love u guys... and how much i would miss u if i was gone.... so just remember... i love you all so much.... there aren't words to say it

no matter wut.... I LOVE YOU

u were hit with this at 10:30 PM

just saw an extremely unsettling post on my girl MARLENE's blog.... ASHLEY HART,one of our beautiful sisters in the class of 03 was SHOT in a DRIVE BY ... thank the LORD she is alrite and will be released from the hospital soon... she was shot in the neck toward her collar bone...

dear god.... please look after ashley and all of my IMMAC sisters... my whole body is shaking rite now... i kno she will be ok... but wow... im just in shock... just remember... I LOVE YOU... no matter wut happens... I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

u were hit with this at 8:39 AM

.

{Saturday, June 21, 2003 . }

after a convo about PMS w/ my lil bro Brendan

brendan: God must hate women

u were hit with this at 9:41 PM

.

{Wednesday, June 18, 2003 . }

a funny thought occurred to me...

so i was going along at cal poly... chillin... meetin ppl... having some fun... UNTIL. i thought about transferring... thats when everything took a turn... see... i thought, y should i care about this place if im just gonna leave it? y get attached so i could feel hurt when i left? but its funny... cuz i might have avoided getting hurt b/c i didn't get "attached" but my life was hell the last quarter cuz of my detachment.... i look back on first quarter w/ a smile on my face... it was mad good times... crazy sh*t all hours of the day and nite... 2nd quarter.... i thought about transferring... and things when downhill from there culminating in an incredibly horrible third quarter.... there were other circumstances that led to that... but pushing EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE at SLO away didn't help... i didn't get hurt... or did i? from my observation... not being attached hurts just as much... if not MORE than being attached... cuz while u have rough times when ur attached... u dont wonder whether or not u'll get thru it or not... u will... cuz u need the other person and they need u... if ur not attached... u spend all ur time wondering if one lil quarrel is gonna end everything.... i spent way too much time doing that... way way way tooooo much time doing that... then i figured a third thing out... i WAS attached... and pushing everyone away was hurting me more than anyone else.... i didn't want "mad konections" (SORRY FOR LETTIN U DOWN SLICKER!) i didn't want anything....so yea i wanted them to support me... be there for me... be just like friends... but i'm not attached... i dont owe u anything... f*ck u.... at least thats how i think i came off... *ouch* ... maureen the bitch raises her ugly head.... while that is one sided and NOT entirely how it went down... im writing that for dramatic effect ok? so yea... thats (hopefully) a lil of an exaggeration but im not sure how much....

ANYWAYS... back to the point... hmm... ok so this is just me rambling... wut else is new? basically maureen's lesson of the day is: to have friends... u gotta BE a friend FIRST... i definitely thought i had at least that lesson learned... sometimes ur gonna look at ur friends... and wanna punch them... but the point is... the reason u wanna punch them is cuz u feel so much emotion towards them... because they mean so much to u... ppl that don't mean sh*t to u... can't DO sh*t to u.. its only the ones that matter that have that power... sometimes i just need to put up w/ sh*t and get to the other side of it... look past the bad... i used to be like that ... *sigh* ... but things change... i change... u change... we all change.... the point is to try to change together... no u dont have to change the same way... but u stick together thru ur changes... cuz otherwise ur left with no one... and i've felt wut that feels like... lemme tell ya.... its NOT something i want to experience EVER again...

so basically... im not perfect... i make mistakes... and im trying to learn from them... and thats that

u were hit with this at 9:24 PM

.

{Monday, June 16, 2003 . }

ok... so im having this very bitter sweet feeling... it makes me happy :-D ... but it makes me a lil sad :'-( ... i guess thats the definition of bittersweet huh? haha... another vocab lesson...

ANYWAYS... its hot as a mofo down here.... im not used to being in LA yet... the ppl... the traffic!!!... the WEATHER... omg... burning down here...

had some interesting convo's the past couple days... thanks to sylvana... just thanks.. u kno wut for... oh yea... and ur definitely the dumb one... and im the bitch...

maureen: yea... ur the dumb one... and i'm the bitch...
sylvana: wait.... i don't get it...
maureen: thats cuz ur the dumb one!
sylvana: i hate you..
maureen: thats cuz i'm the bitch!!!

oh yea.... it feels just ilke home again :-D sylvana the dumb and maureen the bitch are back for the summer!!!!!

u were hit with this at 9:20 PM

.

{Saturday, June 14, 2003 . }

so my first year of college has officially come to an end... *sigh*

so i guess this is the part where im supposed to talk about all the realizations i made this year, the events that changed me, the thoughts that shaped me and all that other reflective sh*t... well... sorry guys.... it aint happening...

the one thing that i will share that i learned is this... u dont fully appreciate something until it happens to you... so... even if i talked about all of my revelations... it wouldn't have too much of an impact... b/c when other ppl talk about stuff that happens to them... i feel bad / sad / glad / wutever emotion... but i dont reaally feel it b/c i can't fully empathize with it...so yea... theres my lil talk on that...

so wut do i gotta say? just some appreciation that needs to go out there

the following applies to ALL of my TRUE friends... high school / college / wutever

so this year was rough for me... kicked me down pretty hard... i didn't kno if i could get thru it... had an incredibly rough time letting go of the past... haven't fully gotten it out of me... but... i just wanted to say thanks to all the amazing people out there... you (hopefully) kno who you are... if u don't i'm sorry that i didn't do a better job showing my appreciation... thank you to all of the people that listened to me bitch and moan about this and that... thank you to the people that gave me encouragement, love and support... thank you for being the best "family" imaginable... thank you for the long talks, the funny jokes, the laughs, tears and all other types of emotion... thank you for having my back when i needed you... thanks for looking out for me when i couldn't see things clearly.... thanks for helping to calm me... thanks for soothing my pain... thanks for taking 30 seconds out of ur day to IM me, tag my board or text me...thanks for the calls, the emails, the mail....thanks for coming to me when u had problems... thanks for trusting me that much.... thank you for looking at me and looking inside.... thanks for not judging.... thanks for letting me see the "real" you inside... thanks for being my friends... thanks for letting me be your friend...thanks for trying to see where i am coming from, thank you for showing me where u were coming from... thanks for calling me on my mistakes so that i can learn from them... thanks for forgiveness when i needed it.... thanks for the surprises along the way... thanks for the bad times because they made the good times even better... thanks for the rough spots because they made me stronger.. thanks for being a part of my life and letting me be a part of yours... thanks for pushing me to be the best that i could be... thanks for never being satisfied with anything below my best... thanks for showing me the beauty of true friendships.... thanks for being in my life because u have all shaped me into who i am today... i love you all and i am truly blessed to have you in my life... this goes out to the old skool IMMACERS... the new skool SLO GANGSTAS... and everyone else i met along the way... THANK YOU

u were hit with this at 8:25 PM

.

{Wednesday, June 11, 2003 . }

feeling the love

sharlene j. : i'm biting myself right now.. i love u so much MoMo that i would even let U bite me

maddy: i love you more than i love peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches

caitlin: i love u!!!

connie: i love you like a fat kid loves cake

shana: U DO DESERVE UR friends MOMO... U R great !!!

sister : i love my sister

chang: immac sisters always and forever!

bel: I LOVE YOU MAUREEN!!

maria: much luv!

cressa:i luv maureen too shooo

mari: MARI LOVES MO MO B/C SHE IS AMAZING!!!

sumi: i love YOOOOO cuz ur the shiznit! muah

laura: i love momo cuz she has blonde hair like me, but hers is blonder, does that make her stupider? but she goes to cal poly and i go to gcc... mmmm

michelle: can i say i love maureen? cuz i do

jason: i dont kno u well enough to say i love you but you're a great person inside and out so don't feel bad

u were hit with this at 4:03 PM

.

{Monday, June 09, 2003 . }

Young. Really young. I'd say anywhere from 15-35.
But you'll go out with a bang. You'll get in a
car accident or be shot. You'll never have to
see yourself get old. Sad though. Really sad.
By the way, its common knowledge that more
people with great goals and aspirations die
young. And if you want to die old, you'll die
young and vice versa.


At what age will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

aww man..... well its been fun while its lasted right?? :'-( good thing i dont place too much weight on these buggers... kRikEy!!!

if this IS the last time u hear from me.... I LOVE YOU!!! :-D

u were hit with this at 5:31 PM

.

{Sunday, June 08, 2003 . }

ok so yea... im supposed to be studying for finals... but its not like they start tomorrow right?? right????? aww sh*t... they do.... :'-(

chill weekend... couldn't sleep AT ALL last nite... sucked big time... oh well...

i have a final tomorrow and 2 on thursday... can't wait to go home!!!! :-D can't wait for this summer... cuz i kno its gonna kick major ass!!!

a year ago today....
so its all over and done w/.... im not going to get into details cuz most of u reading this were there... i graduated from the hollywood bowl... the end of a long four years... a lot of good times... some not so good times... some really not so good times... but i learned a lot and for the most part i dont regret things... cuz wut the hell does regret do n e ways... so last nite was grad nite... hmmm.... nearly got in a whole mess of trouble like 6 times.... lol... i wasn't really feeling it at first but around 2 30 or so i started to have fun.... so it was pretty cool for the most part... FUN TIMES WAITING 2 HOURS FOR THE BUS!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was actually... the funniest part was marge running around in circles screaming at the world.... omg... that was one of the funniest things i think ive ever seen.... then she fell down... omg.... i was dying.... still makes me laugh now... so n e ways... im kinda blah right now... had this lil grad "party" thing tonite... just a lot of family friends and all that... actually pretty fun... for the most part... but yea... so now i have six weeks before i leave for college... thank god... i plan on just relaxing and being chill for the next six weeks... just getting a lil bit of order back into my life... before i leave and it all gets thrown into chaos again.... woohoo... so thats all for now....



song of the day
"3 libras"
a perfect circle

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all

u were hit with this at 8:37 PM

You are Persephone, from "The Matrix."
Tough cookie, you are, yet there are strains of
sadness and desire that lie beneath you- of
course, you wouldn't want anyone to know.
You're too busy putting up a facade.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

u were hit with this at 4:56 PM

.

{Friday, June 06, 2003 . }

flash back

June 5, 2002

so im psyched.... i get up early cuz i got grad practice at the hollywood bowl... i was late... so i get there.... it was hot as f*ck!!!! so we practice for a cool 3 hours!!! walking... standing still... sitting... standing up together... singing! all that fun stuff...

go back home... hang out.. got my hurrr did ... ;-)

6 o clock rolls around...

get dressed in my white dress... aww!! got all my stuff together... drove to glendale... picked up mari then off to the hollywood bowl...

get there in plenty of time... all xtra psyched

the next 2 hours are a crazy blur...

go to the bathroom w/ sylvana... everyone and there momma is in there...

standing in line waiting to start...

ms k. comes around w/ a napkin for ppl to spit their gum out into...

brandee making wise cracks and wong laughing

get our 18 roses... oh snap!!! they messed up and gave me 19!!! :-D

oh sh*t!!! we're STARTING

walking... walking... walking... omg... took forever to get on the friggin stage!

don't trip... don't trip... don't trip... don't trip...

ms gedeon starts telling me the lyrics to "ice ice baby" just as i walk on stage

sit down

stand up all together...

singing... wow!! we sounded GOOD!! :-D

sit down all together...

speech... blah blah blah... talk w/ maddy...

oh sh*t!! they call my name!!

i stand in that circle of light... its too bright to see out... all i kno is where i am...

walk slowly...

don't trip... don't trip... don't trip!!

get my diploma!!!! bow to massa hurst

walk back up the stairs...

sit down... check to make sure they ACTUALLY gave me a diploma... they did!!! SCORE!!

stand up all togethher

sing somemore...

walk off

omg!!

WE GRADUATED!!!

2-0-0-2 SEEEEENNN -YUUUUUURSSS!!!!!

2-0-0-2 SEEEEEENNNN -YUUUUUURRRSSSSS!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE'RE DONE!!

run around... take a million pictures... get flowers... :-D

take somemore pictures...

then i got in my car... and headed home...

craziness

that was a year ago...

and when i saw all my sisters at graduation... it didn't feel like any time had passed... i felt like i had come back home after far too long... and i felt happier then than i have in a very, very, very long time....

so yes... thats my reflection on graduation... :-D hope u enjoyed...

u were hit with this at 11:51 PM

.

{Thursday, June 05, 2003 . }

holy sh*t!!! it's been ONE WHOLE YEAR since i graduated high school...

wut a year it has been...

i went to the immac graduation last nite... just thinking about it makes me smile... it was liking coming back home after a long, cold, rainy day... there were tears in my eyes the whole time... not of sadness... but of happiness that i can't put into words... the fact that a whole year has passed and absolutely NOTHING has changed... that made me more happy than anything... we're still just as loud, troublesome, funny, crazy, silly, and LOVING... thats right... the gang... back together again... its just this feeling of warmth, love and happiness which i have never experienced from anyone else...

as u can tell... im very happy that i went to graduation...

just watching them made me reminsice.... i have this totally long ass blog about this time last year... which i will be writing tomorrow... but im totally exhausted... so nighty night everyone... immacers... SLO GANGSTAS... and errrybuddy else... remember... I LOVE YOU!!!!!

u were hit with this at 9:46 PM

.

{Tuesday, June 03, 2003 . }

some definitions for you
re·al
adj.

1. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.
2. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.
3. Of or founded on practical matters and concerns: a recent graduate experiencing the real world for the first time.
4. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious: real mink; real humility.
5. Being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name: a real friend.
6. Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation: tourists hoping for a real experience on the guided tour.
7. Not to be taken lightly; serious: in real trouble.
8. Philosophy. Existing objectively in the world regardless of subjectivity or conventions of thought or language.
9. Relating to, being, or having value reckoned by actual purchasing power: real income; real growth.
10. Physics. Of, relating to, or being an image formed by light rays that converge in space.
11. Mathematics. Of, relating to, or being a real number.
12. Law. Of or relating to stationary or fixed property, such as buildings or land.


friend
n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

so wut makes a "real friend"?

throughout this year i have been posed with this question implicitly and explicitly and i have decided to try to answer it...

so really... wut are the qualities that make someone a "real" friend as opposed to a "fake" friend?

is it time?

no.... it is not time... there are some people that after i've known them for a few weeks, know that they are "true friends"... there are other people that i've known for years that i dont trust at all...

is it having a similar background?

no... not necessarily... while sharing that gives two people something in common... it doesn't necessarily mean u'll be friends.... while knowing that people are coming from a place that is familiar to me does make me more comfortable at first... i have found that it is the friendships that need more than just a similar background are much more rewarding

is it from coming from the same part of the world?

no... just because a person isn't from your neck of the woods doesn't mean that you can't be friends... location shouldn't be a factor in friendship


is it ethnicity?

no... absolutely not... at least for me... i have tried to never limit my friends by judging on ethnicity... thats bullsh*t...

is it coming from the same socioeconomic level?

no... there are awesome rich people and there are awesome not-so-rich people... there are bitchy rich people and there are bitchy not-so-rich people
having money doesn't necessarily make u a good / bad person, just as not having money doesn't necessarily make u a good / bad person...

is it coming from the same high school?

no... it is foolish to limit yourself to people that you went to high school with... however... if the people that you went to high school with are "true" friends... then it is foolish to stop being friends with them simply because u no longer go to school with them....

SO WUT THE HELL MAKES A TRUE FRIEND?!?!?!!!?

lets start with wut a true friend doesn't do

a friend doesn't make you wonder if you're really friends, or just someone to pass the time with

a friend doesn't talk shit about you behind your back

a friend doesn't act manipulatively

a friend doesn't pit people against eachother

a friend doesn't say one thing and do another

a friend doesn't kick you when you're down

a friend doesn't pretend to care

a friend doesn't pretend friendship

a friend doesn't look at you and see only the flaws

a friend doesn't make you feel like a monster

a friend doesn't make you feel like you are a bad human being

a friend doesn't make you cry yourself to sleep at night

a friend doens't talk shit and make other people think you are a monster

a friend doesn't go thru the actions of caring, without actually caring

a friend doesn't resent helping a friend

a friend doesn't resent having to spend time with you

a friend doesn't pretend to care, then go around bitching because you expected them to act like a friend

a friend doesn't act like you're the bad person when you call them on their faults

a friend doesn't stab you in the back

a friend doesn't give you emotional scars

this list is not necessarily things i have all experienced... so all those who are like... WTF?? is she talking about ME?!?! maybe... maybe not... if YOU think it applies to YOU then that says something about YOUR character NOT mine...

so then... wut does a true friend do?

a friend is there for you when you need them

a friend offers unconditional love, they don't always have to like you, but they always love you

a friend lets you change and accepts you as you are

a friend will tell you when they think you're changing in a bad way, but they tell you out of love

a friend will listen to your heartbreaking story and be there for you

a friend will help you no matter what

a friend will support you when everyone else thinks you're crazy

a friend will support you even when they think you're crazy

a friend takes the time to see the person inside, not just the superficial front

a friend will love you for you and for no other reason

a friend will look at you, and sees past the flaws to the good

a friend will look at the flaws, and love you for them because those are what make you unique

a friend respects your space

a friend respects you

a friend looks at all the emotional wounds you gather over a lifetime, and helps to heal them

a friend makes sacrifices for you without a second thought

a friend would give up courtside tickets for a Lakers vs. Kings game seven in the playoffs because u are going through a crisis, and they won't resent you for it

if that doesn't say "i love you" i dont kno wut does

a friend will take a six hour greyhound ride just to surprise you on your birthday

a friend will take a six hour greyhound ride because u need them to be there for you

a friend will take a six hour greyhound ride and not complain at all because they know that you needed them

so wait... do i have to do ALL of these things to be a friend???? cuz goddamn... six hours on a greyhound??? no... u dont... u dont have to do any of these things necessarily....

it boils down to love, trust and respect... if i dont trust you... i can't respect you... and if i can't respect you... i can't love you... it comes down to that...

SO look at these criteria... THIS is what makes a true friend...

C.A.R.I.N.G.

oh yes... i busted out religion II

C - CONCERN

A - ACCEPTANCE

R - RESPECT

I - INTEGRITY

N- NURTURING

G - GIVING

if u don't have these qualities... i dont consider u a friend... HOWEVER... if u believe that i dont consider u a friend because we dont come from the same high school / socio economic status / ethnicity / common background etc. then u are seriously mistaken.... i look for QUALITY in people...

"so wait... is she saying that im NOT a quality person??? wtf?? BITCH!!!" NO!!! that is NOT what i am saying... if u've gotten to this point and are either still confused about wut i think makes a real friend... or confused about whether i consider u a real friend... come talk to me... cuz this is the best i can explain it in writing...

Song of the Day
What About Your Friends?
TLC

Every now and then I get a little crazy
That's not the way it's supposed to be
Sometimes my vision is a little hazy
I can't tell who I should trust or just who I let trust me (yeah)

People try to say I act a little funny
But that's just a figure of speech to me
They tell me I changed because I got money
But if you were there before then you're still down with me

[Chorus:]
What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you

Well is it me or can it be I'm a little too
Friendly so to speak hypothetically
Say I supply creativity to what others
Must take as a form of self-hate
Only to make an enemy
Which results in unfortunate destiny
They dog me out then be next to me
Just cause I am what some choose to envy

Every now and then I get a little easy
I let a lot of people depend on me
I never thought they would ever deceive me
Don't you know when times got rough I was standing on my own
I'll never let another get that close to me
You see I've grown a lot smarter now
Sometimes you have to choose and then you'll see
If your friends is true they'll be there with you
Through the thick and thin

What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you

Yo is it me, is it me or can it be I am a little too friendly
So to speak hypothetically
'Cause I supply creativity to what others
Must take as a form of self-hate
Only to make an enemy
Which results in unfortunate destiny
They dog me out then be next to me
Just cause I am what some choose to envy

What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you

People say I act a little funny
I wouldn't change not for no money
I'll be a friend as long as you're a friend to me (yeah, yeah)
Even though I might seem easy
It don't give you no cause to deceive me
It's not the way that I want my friends to ever be

u were hit with this at 4:20 PM

.

{Monday, June 02, 2003 . }

the people that mind DON'T matter...

and the people that matter DON'T mind


i like this quote quite a bit... in case u couldn't tell by the big ass font and the bold... ;-) but yes... i find this quote to be kind of... soothing in a sense... its a given that not everyone is going to like u... not everyone is going to agree with wut u do / say / think / feel... but those ppl... don't matter... not to belittle them as ppl... they just don't matter to me and it can be used against me as well... if i dont agree w/ wut u do / say / think / feel... don't give me a second thought... cuz im not giving you one.... but it also says that there will be people that DO matter... and these ppl aren't going to mind wut u do / say / think / feel... these are the people that make life worth living... these are the people that make all this bullsh*t worth going thru... cuz they matter

i guess if i didn't have all the people that mind, i wouldn't appreciate all the people that matter... the bad times truly illuminate the good... i guess i've been very blessed... i've had enough bad to appreciate all the beauty and all the people that are truly beautiful... i've had enough bad to kno that there are some seriously f*cked up people out there.... that things happen which you can't understand or explain... that i am not invincible... that i can be wounded... badly... but i have also learned that there are some truly amazing people out there... that there are people who might not be able to explain all the crazy sh*t... but they'll be there to listen to you when u vent... i have learned that while i can be hurt... i can be healed... i have learned that looking at life negatively makes it so... while optimism doesn't always pan out... its good to at least keep it in the back of your head... prepare for the worst but still hope for the best...

i have so much more i want to write... but i have to go do some precal homework... yay!!! (ok so that was sarcasm and not optimism... u can't expect me to change over nite... ;-) )

til i talk to u or see u again... remember I LOVE YOU

p.s. who's going to the immac graduation?!?!?! cuz I AM!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!! im so excited its not even funny!!! i can't wait to see all my lil sisters in the class of '03 graduate... but more importantly i can't wait to see all my sisters at heart... the class of '02.... hope a lot of you are there!!!! :-D

u were hit with this at 3:07 PM

.