had dinner w/ the coolest white trash ho in tujunga... LACEY!! had a very good dinner at TOMMY'S!! one of the best places eva... had a good convo as well... haha..

omg!! i bit my tongue and it is way gross and bleeding!!!! :'(

i had a really weird dream last nite... i don't remember most of it... but i was just frigging angry and sad thru out the entire thing... wuts that all about?? well i checked out emotions in a dream book and it says those r feelings that we can't express in waking life... hmmm.. well im not angry in "waking life" so ima have to figure out wut thats about... and i get sad sometimes... but who doesn't? so ima have to figure all of this craziness out...

my bonsai tree is SICK!!!! :'( and it might DIE!!! i took it to the guy i bought it from... he nearly took my head off!!! he was like... wut u do??? is very sick!!! very very very sick!!!! i told him i'd kept it by a window and watering it... but apparently thats wrong... :'( poor bonsai....

u were hit with this at 8:55 AM

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this summer is by far one of the best summers ever!!!

LOTS of medication + sleep + barely any stress + friends = ONE TIGHT SUMMER!!!

been doing a whole mess of reading and writing... books i would recommend... this goes out especially to BJ!! cuz i think u'd be interested in all this stuff..

The Culture Of Fear by Barry Glassner
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
The Best Democracy Money Can Buy by Greg Palast
Rogue States by Noam Chomsky
oh yea.. AND!
HARRY POTTER!!! hahaha... yes... i am a kid at heart... but shooo this is a damn good book!

theyre all political or social critiques ( cept harry potter! )... very enlightening... also.. if anyone reading this is conservative... i would appreciate a list of conservative political / social books...i have plenty of liberal books.... but i'd like to see the other side too.. so thats my lil announcement... haha

i've been doing a lot of writing as well... nothing i'm ready to post up... but once i've polished some of it up a bit... i will...

in other news... i bought a scanner yesterday!!! wahoo!!! thanks to keith! for telling me which brand to get... it works very well... so if anyone has pics i could borrow... especially!! frosh and soph year!!! cuz i don't have ANY!!! so yea... second announcement...

so i've been watching real world and road rules ... the only 2 shows that i watch.. haha... i have pretty high standards huh?? and i have to say that i can majorly!!! relate to abram (sp?) from road rules... ok not the whole racial slur part... cuz HELL NO! but the rest... i could really empathize w/ him about being majorly misunderstood and being pushed to ur limits... he was a good guy who just didn't get the credit he deserved or the respect that he needed... after long enough of that... anyone will snap... im glad that i didn't have to go thru this on national television... but i wish i didn't have to go thru it at all... i can't think of anything more frustrating than people misinterpreting u... so u spend all of ur time defending urself... u stop being a person and are just this wall that others have forced u to become... and its majorly hard to deal w/ while its happening and in the aftermath.... just sitting there questioning urself, ur motives, ur personality, ur thoughts, ur actions... its horrible... self-doubt is probably one of the most horrible things i've ever felt.... not that i have ever really seen myself as overly confident... but i did possess some confidence at some point... but now i have to rebuild all of that... im working on it... i'm stronger and weaker than i have ever been before... i am weaker because i am coming out of my own personal hell... but im stronger because i MADE IT out of there... i didn't give up and i didn't quit... i was tested and as abram said... i was "victorious and defeated at the same time"... majorly feeling that quote right now... well.. that was my little ramble about how my soul is doing right now... its weak but recovering... thanks to all who supported me along the way... and thank u god for putting me thru such a rough time... because i came out of it and proved i could handle it and now i kno i am stronger... so thank u!

remember... is this is the last time u hear from me.... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!


u were hit with this at 10:34 AM

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Sylvana's Quote of the Day
"ppl r gonna think college has deintelligized me"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I LOVE SUMMER!!!!!!!!

in its own way... this is one of my best summers eva!!!! very chill and relaxed... sleep a lot... read a lot.... im very content.... im not like crazily happy like past summers.... but this is just really chill and relaxing...

i went out w/ mari yesterday.... good times... good convo as always...

im reading this book rite now called The Best Democracy Money Can Buy by Greg Palast.... it is REALLY good and REALLY interesting... i highly recommend it... especially to my ConeKtionS buddy sLicKeR! b/c this seems up ur alley....

im really starting to despise everything about American "culture"... like the mainstream... slick white pop sh*t... i wanna move to Canada... seriously... maybe after college... i don't really think i want to stay here.... but who knows??? i don't yet anyways...

im prolly gonna end up staying at Cal Poly indefinetly... im not sure how i feel about that yet... oh well.... its cheap and its damn good academically... its all about the BA!!!! keep my eye on the prize!!!

i found nemo!!! haha... me gusta mucho!!! :-D so yea... thats all that i've been doin.... alrite.. im out

u were hit with this at 9:53 AM

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*yawn* hot weather + medicine = sleepy mofo!!

so yea... im takin a whole grip of meds for my back... im takin like 30 pills per DAY!! kRikEy!! but yea... so i've been having a lot of really chill, relaxing times lately... broken up by small tiffs here and there... but basically.... i am really content right now... i feel this kind of warm, comfortable, drowsiness which is pretty nice.... so yea... this summer isn't as eventful as previous years... but i guess i needed a break from all of that...

been shopping for stuff for my room next year... ppl come visit me... my room is gonna be TIGHT!! so yea... im happy with how that is going...

well its off to the chiropractor i go ... my second doctor's appointment today!!! yeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!!!

u were hit with this at 2:45 PM

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oh kobe... u make me cry... :'( poor kobe... poor 19 yr old girl... poor kobe's wife....

well here come my two cents on wut happened... not that it really matters, but im quite disturbed so i need to vent

first... i am a BIG lakers fan... i love my lakers VERY MUCH!! so this is a sad sad episode in laker history

but basically... i don't believe for one second that kobe "forced" this girl to do anything she didn't want to do... come on look at it... he's an incredibly famous basketball player with millions and millions of dollars... he's not unattractive... wut did the girl have to lose?

and kobe... even tho he DID commit adultery... come on... first how the hell is that any of OUR business?? millions of ppl cheat on their spouses... that doesn't make it right, but it isn't a crime either... not by the legal standard anyways...

i think kobe has definitely enjoyed having his ego stroked and this girl saw him as a way to get famous... come on... he has MILLIONS of dollars!!! don't try to tell me this chick doesn't want some of that

i dont think kobe forced anything b/c he's so rich and so famous everywhere that he can get any girl he wants... who would really say no? who would refuse? obviously not this chick...

im not going to hate on this chick tooo much.... its so easy to blame the victim... if it turns out that she really is a victim i will have complete sympathy for her... but so far the facts show to me that she is NOT a victim, she is simply trying to cash in... and to me thats disgusting...

kobe's private life should be kept PRIVATE!! i don't care who he has sex with!! and its no one else's business except for him and the woman concerned... so basically... i still have respect for kobe as a basketball player and as a person... GO LAKERS!!!

u were hit with this at 5:50 PM

went out w/ sylvana and maxceyoee!!! aka maxcell!! haha... saw pirates of the carribbean in downtown... funny yet again.. haha

on the way back i turned the wrong way on 6th street being as im not too familiar w/ the area but anyways... so i turn the wrong way and go into the heart of downtown... now i thought i'd seen it all before... but damn... so it was about 10 at nite... and the scene i saw was incredibly saddening... in front of all these large, impressive buildings which employs a bunch of rich people, there were hundreds and hundreds of homeless people just camped out on the streets...

it wasn't that the scene surprised me... it was just so saddening.... the juxtaposition of it was just awful... the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor... on the same damn street... so close yet so impossibly far at the same time... its just the epitome of LA... the rich and the poor live next door to eachother... and the rich don't give a damn about the poor...

ok... im rambling now... oh yea... CONGRATULATIONS!!! to CRESSA!! and BJ!!! on their one YEAR anniversary!!! yay!!!! :-D

oh yea... thanks for all the tags ppl!!! me gusta mucho!!! :-D

alrite thats all for me for now!! bye!!

u were hit with this at 12:26 PM

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{Friday, July 18, 2003 . }

so its been a stressful couple days... my family life is reaching the expected level of dysfunction... certain family members more than others... seriously guys... being a teenager sucks ass... i admit that... but that DOESN"T mean u have to take out ur hormonal craziness on everyone else rite? i kno this is much easier said than done... but still... being a punk ass lil b*tch isn't gonna help ANYTHING.... i remember wut it was like... but seriously get a f*ckin grip... the world is not out to get u... there are chores that need to be done... they annoyed the sh*t outta me... but still... just get that sh*t over with... foreal... then u can go back to wutever the hell u were doing... sorry but living in a house w/ other ppl means u DON'T get the perfect amount of privacy... trust me... I KNO... but unless u got enough money to move out of the house... shut up about it... again... being a lil b*tch isn't gonna help anything.... seriously.... this negative " i hate u blah blah blah" attitude... how is that gonna help? seriously... being offensive doesn't exactly encourage ppl to be nice to u back... and believe it or not... asked to do chores is NOT an adequate reason to bust out that attitude... so when u come at ppl w/ that attitude... wut the hell do u expect?? oh ok... this lil snatch is being absolutely horrible... lets give her a HUG?!?? u are WAY smarter than that kid... WAY smarter... so dude... just get a f*ckin grip... take a shower... do some yoga... pop some pills... i really dont give a damn wut u do.... well ok... dont pop pills... but yea... calm the F*CK down... alrite?? and i kno ur gonna hate me cuz of wut i just said... but oh well... this is how it is alrite? we DO do sh*t for u... driving u around is not fun times... pickin u up is not fun times... cleaning up is not fun times... alrite?!?! WORK is not generally fun times... but seriously... get a grip already... cuz work isn't fun.... but u make it straight up torture... so chill out.... calm down... it won't kill u

u were hit with this at 9:49 AM

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{Thursday, July 17, 2003 . }

i am going thru an identity crisis

its like... i look in the mirror.... who the HELL is looking back at me???

i just don't kno who i am half the time... i have all these contrasts that just don't add up...

i think its just one of those collegiate identity crisis rite??? rite????

maybe im just crazy.... hmmmm....

i really do have these jutting contrasts that just confuse the HELL outta me

wut the hell does it all mean???

how can i have so many different traits all in one person??

maybe im schizo... hmmm...

ok well... i have too many thoughts to put down

so if anyone figures out this great mystery... lemme kno!

alrite... remember... I LOVE YOU!!!

u were hit with this at 10:17 PM

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{Monday, July 14, 2003 . }

well i'm happy to say that i've just had the best weekend of my summer break so far... yes yes... it was mad good times pretty much all the time... it pulled me rite out of my lil slump and im a happy camper rite now...

break down...

spent friday evening w/ WAY AWESOME people!! who i dont get to see as often as i would like.... of course svet... maddy... kat and angie!!

saturday i slept!! YES!!! awesome times had by me!!

sunday... get a call from my fLuFFieSt! fOO tANG sTA! aka... bELINDA! so i take my sister and we pick up belinda and katrina and go to rabiz town to see pirates of the carribbean... and who should just HAPPEN to be going to the same movie as us??? my SON!!! YAY!!! hi keith!!! haven't seen him in a long time so that was yay for me!!!

after the movie the four of us went to COFFEE BEAN!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! i had a really nice talk w/ BELINDA!!! oh buddy... i love u so much!!! it was such a way awesome convo and i just feel happy cuz u r a way good person to talk to!!

so we left coffee bean about 2 hours after arriving.... hahaa!! drop belinda and katrina off... then go home....

start watchin the matrix when MARI! calls!!! yay!!

so i decide to go crash at her place and hang out w/ her and her nephews ...

had a really awesome and insightful convo w/ mari too... wow!!! two greeeeaat!! convos in ONE day!!! how lucky can u get??

then slept all day today...

yes my friends... it has been a good weekend....

special shout out to KRIKES!! ur tag made me cry dude... i dunno... i've just felt so alone and u reminded me how im really not and that there are ppl here for me and all i need to do is ask... so THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! you have NO idea how much that meant to me!!!...

alrite... if this is the last time u hear from me... I LOVE YOU!!!

u were hit with this at 10:50 PM

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{Sunday, July 13, 2003 . }

kRikEy! nice warm sunday morning... haha...

so wutsup w/ this mofo?

i have to say that one of the reasons that i love / hate summer is the free time... first of course... i love it b/c it provides me with time to do wutever i want and also leaves me much less stressed out than i spend a majority of my non summer time

i hate it cuz i get to self- examining and i am definitely my own worst critic...

ok... here's a lil rant that will be said here and never again... i am not saying this to be self-pitying... to make ppl feel sorry for me... or to get any reaction from anyone... this is just me getting something off my chest...

*start self-hating rant*

i feel like a complete and total monster... like everything about me is evil and corrupted... like all i bring is misery and pain to everyone i meet... i feel like im a completely failure and i will never amount to anything... i feel like everyone is smarter / prettier / more driven / plain and simple BETTER than i am or ever will be... i feel like i am this humongous waste of space... i feel like i make ppl miserable... i feel like i am a horrible friend... a horrible sibling.. a horrible daughter... a horrible person... i feel like no matter how hard i try not to be... i am just destined to be a bad person... that nothing about me is in any way good at all... that everything i do, no matter how good my intentions will end up blowing up in my face and hurting me and the people around me... i feel completely and totally worthless... i am my own worst enemy and i can't convince myself i am anything but this evil thing polluting the planet...

*end self-hating rant*

wut i really need is a project to get my mind off of myself and my own imperfections... tada!! photo album!! so yet again... if anyone has pics from high school... specifically frosh / soph years!! that i could borrow i would be very appreciative... also... keith!!! when im done w/ high school i want to get started on my first year of college... so could u send me some picturas?? when u have some time of course... ok... thats all from this mofo for now

p.s. i feel much better after writing all my self-hate down... that is just poison i needed to write down to get it out of me... ok... bye!

u were hit with this at 12:00 PM

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{Saturday, July 12, 2003 . }

very nice nite last nite.... chilled w/ svet, maddy, kat and angie... awwww... it was waaaaaaaay goood timess!!!! i was a happy camper... a yummy dinner at CPK and much laughing and talking... very awesome!!!

svet and mazzy crashed at my house last nite... good times!!

had an interesting talk w/ maddy this mornin while sylvana was sleeping...

then had an interesting talk w/ svet after i dropped maddy off....

u were hit with this at 7:36 PM

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{Thursday, July 10, 2003 . }

*yawn*

long hot day

chilled w/ svet yesterday and the day before...

chilled w/ mari the day before that

got a parking ticket yesterday... ::bastards::

went to the doctor's today... i have a "thorasic strain"... aka... my back hurts.... thanks doc!! needed ur professional opinion on that one!!

ok... im feeling way frustrated... just so many thoughts... since im doing nothing but thinking... and of course mad chillage!! but a majority of the time is spent thinking... its both enjoyable and incredibly frustrating... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just feel like yelling and being emotional... just to get it out of me... but i'll just settle for a blog entry...

ummm... i dont kno wut to write... basically i have so much i want to write but none of it wants to come out... so yea... thats all for me

u were hit with this at 10:56 PM

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{Sunday, July 06, 2003 . }

IS ANYONE ELSE ALARMED BY THIS??????

Ex-Envoy: U.S. Twisted Iraq Intelligence
Sun Jul 6, 3:50 PM ET

By JENNIFER C. KERR, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - An envoy sent by the CIA (news - web sites) to Africa to investigate allegations about Iraq (news - web sites)'s nuclear weapons program contends the Bush administration manipulated his findings, possibly to strengthen the rationale for war.


That conclusion came on Sunday from Joseph Wilson, former U.S. ambassador to the West African nation of Gabon, who was dispatched in February 2002 to explore whether Iraq tried to buy uranium from Niger. That desert country is the world's third-largest producer of mined uranium.


Writing in a New York Times op-ed piece, Wilson said it did not take him long "to conclude that it was highly doubtful that any such transaction had ever taken place."


In an interview on NBC's "Meet the Press," Wilson insisted his doubts about the purported Iraq-Niger connection reached the highest levels of government, including Vice President Dick Cheney (news - web sites)'s office.


In fact, he said, Cheney's office inquired about the purported Niger-Iraq link.


"The question was asked of the CIA by the office of the vice president. The office of the vice president, I am absolutely convinced, received a very specific response to the question it asked, and that response was based upon my trip out there," said Wilson.


Yet nearly a year after he had returned and briefed CIA officials, the assertion that President Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) was trying to obtain uranium from Africa was included in President Bush (news - web sites)'s State of the Union address as the nation marched toward war with Saddam's Iraq.


The British and Italian governments initially reported the possible Niger-Iraq ties to the United States. Britain issued a public statement on the matter in September 2002, a few months before the president's speech.


If the British and Bush were referring to Niger, then "that information was erroneous, and ... they knew about it well ahead of both the publication of the British White Paper and the president's State of the Union address," Wilson said on NBC's "Meet the Press."


He said there are only two conclusions to draw: "Either the administration has some information that it has not shared with the public, or, yes, they were using the selective use of facts and intelligence to bolster a decision in a case that had already been made, a decision that had been made to go to war."


About a month after Bush's speech, the United Nations (news - web sites) determined the uranium reports were based mostly on forged documents. The White House, however, has maintained Bush's assertion about Iraq and uranium was supported by more evidence than the forged material.


Wilson served as ambassador to Gabon in the first Bush administration and later helped direct Africa policy for President Clinton (news - web sites)'s National Security Council. More recently, he had argued against using force in Iraq as opposed to strict containment.


Discussing Wilson's comments, several lawmakers expressed misgivings as they made the rounds of Sunday's television talk shows about what transpired.


One of them — Sen. Jay Rockefeller of West Virginia, top Democrat on the Senate Intelligence Committee — said on CNN's "Late Edition" that it goes to the question of, "was there an abuse in intelligence, or was the intelligence wrong?"


He said, "In either case, it's not a happy outcome, and has to be fixed."


Reviews of prewar intelligence on weapons of mass destruction and whether those assessments may have been exaggerated to justify an invasion of Iraq are under way in the House and Senate.

u were hit with this at 8:02 PM

*yawn* ... just got up... the beauty of summer... gettin up whenever the hell i want...

so ive been thinking a lot... thats good right??? hmmm... not sure yet... being VERY self-critical... constructively tho... i truly want to become a better person and wut better way than learning my faults? and lemme tell ya... i have enough to last allllllll summer long... hell... all YEAR long...

chilled w/ maria on thursday... fun times!!! yay!!!

chilled w/ sharlene and bj on friday... saw legally blonde 2!!! hahaha.... if u liked the first one... ur gonna like this one too..

was gonna chill w/ sal, alex and co. on friday nite... but noooo.... my back had to spas on me... :(

was gonna chill w/ sal yesterday... but my back still wasn't up for it... ::bastards::

i start summer school tomorrow... :(

im only taking music appreciation so it shouldn't be toooo bad.... i hope.... if my back keeps spassing i might have to drop it tho... :(

so yea... im trying to put together a lil photo album from high school... unfortunately i dont think i have enough pictures... SOO... if anyone could let me beg, borrow or steal some picturas... it would be very much appreciated!! i will scan and return all pictures... so umm yea.. tag my board... call me... IM me... wuteva... well now i gtg... bye bye!!

u were hit with this at 12:13 PM

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{Wednesday, July 02, 2003 . }

got this from kRikEs! site.... u put in ur birthday and it puts all these words describing u...

Unrelenting
strange and full of contrasts
often egoistic
aggressive
noble
broad horizon
unexpected reactions
spontaneous
unlimited ambition
no flexibility
difficult and uncommon partner
not always liked but often admired
ingenious strategist very jealous and passionate
no compromises.


hmmm... i dont kno about all of them.... definitely strange and full of contrasts... hahaha! difficult and uncommon partner... yup... thats me.!!! hahahahaha... check it out here!

u were hit with this at 1:24 PM

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